I was wondering. I know that may sound silly, but really, is it? I don’t like asking people for help, that’s just a part of who I am but I seem to have to do that quite often, this week especially. As some of you may know, my mamaw, who I’ve been taking care of constantly since Mom passed, was put in CCU at St.Mary’s this week. She is currently still in there for many reasons. She had a heart attack while she was in the ER on Monday, she has lots of fluid build up around her heart and lungs and in her lungs. They actually drained some out the other day but I expect it to fill again. As for her heart, it’s barely beating. They didn’t do a heart cath to see how severe the heart attack was or how much damage it caused. She is becoming ‘rambunctious’ as one nurse told me this morning and very confused. She is a feisty little lady when she wants to be and apparently she threatened to bite a couple of nurses the other night, even though she didn’t have her teeth in! I have realized though, even though its embarrassing, I can’t do anything about it. She is her own person and won’t do anything unless she wants to. So as much as I tell her to behave, it doesn’t matter, I’m wasting my breath. So, I have had to find someone to watch Rylan while I go to the hospital every night. I cringe every time I have to do that, I know I shouldn’t cause people want to help, but I do. As far as mamaw, she is so ready to get out of this world. IF she does get through this, it’s going to happen again and if she gets out, I’m gonna have to find somewhere to put her. I just hate thinking about that, I have no idea what to do. I hate to have her spend the rest of her days unhappy, suffering in a nursing home. Someone I love dearly told me, there are worst things than death and I think that would be it. So I will continue to wait, wait to see what happens. I just hope whatever it is, it goes smoothly.
As some of you have read on here before, I am trying to rebuild my relationship with God, and I’m ashamed to say, I’m not doing a very good job. I know I need to go to church, but I haven’t. I know I need to pray all the time, but I don’t. For some reason I just keep letting myself and God down. So, if asking you for prayers isn’t selfish, I need them, for many reasons.
As I continue to run, run, run all the time, I don’t forget all of you that have helped me along the way. I deeply appreciate everything and am sorry if I haven’t kept in touch. I had a really cool book sent to me this past week with no return address or name on it, if you sent it, please let me know. I want to thank you personally for thinking of me and my mom.
Hope everyone has a great weekend, enjoy the weather tomorrow.
(sorry no pictures!)
Friday, April 3, 2009
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2 comments:
It's not selfish at all. (Most) people who pray consider it a welcoming responsibility to pray for someone else in need. So, with that said your family & situation are in ours.
Hey Girlie...I am sorry to hear about your Mamaw. I know deep down that things will be how they are supposed to be. We both know sometimes it is hard to understand at the time, but we usually end up seeing the light. It is so weird how I read your blog and know I am or have felt the same way. You know I am awful at keeping in touch with folks. Also I know that I have friends and family that would step up and help take some of my stresses on, but I am to stubborn to let them. Recently, I have learned if I want to keep my sanity, I have to let people help me. I can't and you can't do it all. If you ever need to chat or want to have a good cry I am here anytime.
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