Blues

I don’t blog as much because I don’t really have anything to talk about.  My life isn’t boring by any means, I mean I have so much going on that I can’t keep steady on my feet sometimes.  But of all the things going on, it’s nothing to really talk about in detail on here.  I feel like I don’t have time to be myself and it really bothers me.  I don’t have time to do the things I like to do like take pictures, play with my son, scrapbook, read, anything like that.  It’s like I’ve lost who I am and I desperately want to get that back. Within the past 3-4 weeks, its been all about mamaw.  She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and every night I was there to visit and see what was going on.  Every night I just really wanted to go home and see my family but I knew that I needed to be at the hospital.  Now she is in the nursing home temporarily and I’m trying to get a schedule going so I don’t have to be there every night after work.  But even though I’m not there, there are other things going on, something I need to sign, papers I need to deliver, mail that needs to be checked, clothes that need to be washed so I can take them back the next day, insurance problems…..I could seriously go on.  So even though some nights I can go home and relax, I don’t because I’m constantly thinking and worrying.  That has become my life.  That is how I’ve been for the past year.  Always running, ALWAYS.  Since I’ve been that way for so long, its hard to not be that way.  Like if I have a few minutes to sit on the couch and watch TV, I feel like I need to get up and do something that needs to be done.

On a little bit lighter note, Rylan can say NO now.  As of now its usually just when he doesn’t want to eat something.  He is going through this phase where he doesn’t want to be fed from a spoon.  This drives me nuts cause I can’t think of things to feed him that he can eat by himself.  He hasn’t taken much interest in feeding himself with a spoon so until then, I need to come up with other things.  So if any of you out there know some ideas, spread the mommy knowledge!  I don’t have any new pictures of the little monster but hope to get some soon.  He gives hugs and eskimo kisses now, that’s my favorite!  Even though I don’t want him to grow up, its fun to see him learn and do new things.

The weather has been crazy this week.  They may have called schools off but they haven’t called Stonemill off!  I want it to snow to where we’re stuck and can’t go to work.  That way I wouldn’t have to try to find somebody to watch Rylan (by the way, thank you Connie for keeping him, don’t know what I’d do without you!) and I could stay at home with him myself.  But it looks like this weekend will be much like last weekend, warmer and sunny.  It was nice to shed the jacket for a couple days.

It's February...not a good month for me.