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I have realized that I use this pretty much as a diary, and maybe I shouldn't really make all of my thoughts as public as I do, but it helps me and until I get a journal, you will just have to bare with me. As I mentioned, Rylan's birthday is coming up and it is causing me to reflect on the past year and what all has went on. First I think about his birth, it was an incredible experience and it was a joy to see my mom so proud of me and so excited to be a MiMi. It really was a great time. Then I think about how she loved to be around Rylan, she would say things like, “Rylan loves his MiMi to rub his feet” while rubbing his little feet and “I’ve got to get red nail polish cause Rylan likes it”. At the time I would roll my eyes, like I did way too often, and ignore her. She really didn’t get to spend much time with him and I really hate that. They would have just loved each other! Then I go on to think about the hospital experience; still seems like such a dream. How could I have went through all that? Then, all of a sudden it occurs to me that it was months ago, 7 whole months to be exact. Seven months! Some days, I feel like everything I lay my eyes on reminds me of her and others, strangely enough, seems like I have gotten used to her not calling me all the time or seeing her at mamaw’s every Sunday, and then other days, I wonder what it would be like to hit the rewind button and do the last year over again, or the last few years. You think you will be here forever, that you will grow old and see your kids and grandkids grow up and make something of themselves, that your parents and wives and husbands and children will always be around…you just really never know what life and God has in store for you. I just now found out last week that there were 3 new Vera Bradley patterns, how sad is that? They came out in July and I never knew it cause Mom wasn’t here to tell me she wanted one! I would have never guessed I would miss something like that.So needless to say, I am having a hard time right now; it comes in spurts I guess. 
5 comments:
I love you and wish I could hug you :)
H U U U U U G G G G G G G (feel it?)
Carrie,
I miss your mom every day. Work is not the same without her!!!!! It is hard to believe so much time has passed already. The pictures are great! Rylan is getting so big and so handsome!
Take care!
I couldn't get through reading this without breaking down myself. The closest thing I have been through like that was losing my mamaw to me that was my mom. I still can't imagine or begin to understand the sorrow you must be feeling. My heart really goes out to you. May God continue to lead you through this and bless your little family. Love you guys.
Carrie,
I love your website! I enjoy reading it. I can't believe it's been seven months since Missy passed away. I know if she was here she would be all about Rylan's first birthday! I miss her so much. I got so use to her helping me keep up with things in my life. Whenever Amanda and I went to the seamstress for alterations for her dress I couldn't help but think about Missy and how she would be telling me what to do with it. I told Amanda when we walked out of that lady's house that if Missy were here she would have done the alterations for $20.00! This lady charged me $110.00! I know she would have been right there for me to help out with the wedding too! We would talk to each other every day about our medications! She would say "Kathy, have I taken my medicine today? You know you have to tell me when to take my medicine!" We would always tease each other about sharing a room in a nursing home when we got old. We could get mad at each other, but we would get over it. She was really like a sister to me and I will always remember the good times we shared. Love ya!
Hello Carrie: It's hard to believe Rylan's 1st b'day is already here! Time sure does pass quick. I was just talking the other day with Sharon Mcdaneil and told her it was in september last year we all went out to eat at Panera bread . Connie, Missy, Sharon and me went and you stop by. Wow! It seems like that was just a few weeks ago. Every week when James is out of town I always think of when me and Missy would going out to eat. I truely had fun doing that and very happy we got to do that every week. I miss her alot and think of her all the time. If you need me for anything please call! Love ya! Sandy
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